Betel Leaf from Tom Webster on Vimeo.
August
Check out how much leg room Delta gives you on a 17-hour nonstop flight from ATL to BOM. Rage-tastic!
Delta FAIL from Tom Webster on Vimeo.
This may be a little off topic, but I bet many of you fly as much as I do, if not more, and you might appreciate this. I used to be a pretty nervous flyer--OK on takeoffs and landings, but not so OK going through storms or clear air turbulence (and by "not so OK," I mean boxer-soilingly bad.) When you fly a lot, you are bound to hit a day like this:
Somedays you get the bear, and somedays the bear gets you.
It's been a stormy summer so far, and it seems like I've had more than my fair share of bumps and jostles in 2009. Back in those go-go 90's, I would take the edge off with a glass of wine, but decided that was only curing the symptoms, not the problem. So I worked hard to overcome my nervousness, and am now a reasonably comfortable flyer, though I still have my moments of panic. When you get a day like the one pictured above, only a small percentage of thrill-seekers really enjoy flying--the rest of us are not too happy. "Flight Attendants Please Be Seated Immediately" is quite possibly the second least desirable thing the pilot can say. Number One, of course, is "Oh, Shit." (I once flew through the edges of a tropical storm while seated next to a Continental pilot deadheading his way to Newark. At one point in the middle of a hellaciously rough ride, things got eerily quiet--as if we had all put on noise canceling headphones. The pilot next to me said, I kid you not, "this isn't gonna be good." That was about the low point of my entire life.)
Anyway, I had a pretty rough ride at 36,000 feet the other day (followed immediately by a baby-smooth connection at 13,000 feet on a turboprop--go figure) and had to reach deep into my bag of travel tricks to resist the siren call of the Chardonnay. Here's how I cope with severe turbulence (and by severe, I really mean severe--the kind you get once a year or so if you fly frequently):
1. You cannot steer the plane using the armrests. They are not attached to the rudder. Let them go.
2. Instead, I put the shade down, close my eyes, and go as limp as possible. I put my hands on my knees, palms up (so I am not squeezing the blood supply out of them) and pretty much act like a rag doll. The more tense you are, the more exaggerated the bumpiness feels.
3. Put a cup on your tray. Look at it from time to time. You will see that it barely, if at all, moves. If it is half full of water, it is likely you won't even spill a drop. This helps you to realize that it the plane isn't really moving as much as you think it is.
4. Still don't believe me? Try this someday (this fascinates me, by the way). Go to the airport on a windy day and watch the planes land. A landing plane has its flaps fully extended, and is basically a gigantic parachute to catch wind. If you have ever landed in high winds and felt the plane get jerked all over the place, you feel like you are getting kicked down a flight of stairs. But watch a plane land in this kind of weather, and you may see the wings dip occasionally--but you won't see it getting the crap kicked out of it. Again, it feels worse than it really is.
5. Gravity and Physics don't just stop working. They are laws. You will not fall from the sky.
6. Music helps me, but it really has to be relaxing and familiar. Today's selection was Aphex Twin's Selected Ambient Works Vol II. Your mileage may vary. Anything with a beat, or that gets me pumped up for the gym or raises my blood pressure in any way is to be avoided. Noise canceling headphones or in-ear monitors are great, because they block out the rushing of the wind and the sounds of other passengers expressing their own discomfort. Just imagine you are in a cocoon.
7. Smile. Really. Unscrew your face and you will relax more.
8. Keep your eyes closed--not looking out the window really helps avoid overreacting. Your frame of reference is such that when the plane dips or banks a few feet, your view of the outside world changes dramatically. Close your eyes, block out the light, and you will see that you are actually not moving as much as you think.
9. The wings of a Boeing 747 can be bent to almost 90 degrees before they fail. Your wimpy turbulence won't do it.
10. When all else fails, go ahead and have that drink.
*BONUS TIP: If you are on a flight that will last at least 8 hours, Ambien is magic. Don't mix with tip #10, or you increase your risk of sleep crime.
I've been so busy updating the Edison site, my "bidness" blog at BrandSavant and my data-butchery tumblelog at DataSnob that I have sorely neglected my personal blog, here. Surely a sign that my life is out of balance. I wouldn't look for that to change anytime soon, but I will sneak some personal goodies on here from time to time, so subscribe, why dontcha?
Miriam took this shot on our last trip to Maine. I call it--"My New Diet." Economical sign--saved a whole character!
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